In the beginning....

So, here we are. The start of a new chapter and a new blog to signify what I hope will be a positive change in my life. I haven't written a blog since I was about 17 (for the record it was full of self-serving bitching, bragging and bullshitting as most teenage 'diaries' presumably are.) I hope things will be different this time!

In a nutshell, I have my own reasons for starting a blog again (and for it being focused on the subject of my health); which are as follows:

1. I've reached a stage where I realise that for much of my adult life (not all, and we'll come onto that), I have been unhappy with the way my body looks.
2. I've now come to realise that although being slim is still a goal for me, that it would be much more sensible to focus on being healthy, rather than just being thin.
3. I'm hoping that by writing this down I will (a) create a space where I am able to write regularly; something that I enjoy but have not done for a long time; and (b) be more likely to stick to my goals if I am putting them out there on the web for public viewing!

So, how at the age of 26 have I reached this point? Well, quite honestly I've got a happy life with a great boyfriend, good job, close family and a lovely house and I'm sick and tired of my own feelings of self-worth (or lack of!) dragging me down. I'd really like to nail that last area and truly feel happy and healthy in my own skin. I do realise that I am not defined by my weight but I also realise that it is making me unhappy and that therefore this is a positive change for me, to feel better about myself and to take control of my own happiness.

For the sake of tracking my journey up until this point, my last ten years have been pretty much as follows:

• Aged 16 - 19: I didn't consider myself a 'fat' teenager but I definitely wasn't healthy! Smoking, drinking with friends and eating a lot of crap. My mum made a comment when I hit size 14 clothes (having previously been between a size 10 and 12). I snapped back at her and pretended that I didn't care but inside, I knew that I should make a change.

• Aged 19 - 20: The year that I started University and dropped weight back to a size 10/12. Definitely not through being healthy as I still was smoking, drinking and eating junk but I was probably choosing sleep over meals and walking a lot more as I was living away from home and didn't drive. Still, people telling me that I had lost weight made me feel pretty good.

• Aged 21 - 23: I was in a relationship and the weight crept back (back firmly into a size 12). I felt relatively happy but wasn't toned in any way so wanted to make a change there.

• Aged 23 - 24: Probably the happiest that I have been in my own skin during my adult life. This was the year that I was doing my teacher training and dropped weight back down to a size 10. I still was smoking and letting my hair down at the weekends but I was walking everywhere, stressed out of my mind, on my feet all day and hardly eating anything until the evenings. So, not a healthy lifestyle at all (apart from the walking) but people telling me that I had lost weight again made me feel good.

• Aged 24 - 25: During this time I finished my studies, moved 200 miles to start my first 'grown-up' job, met a guy and settled down. I exercised semi regularly (the gym and swimmimg) but my eating habits were rubbish and my weight crept back up to a size 14 at which point I spent six months doing the 5:2 diet and went back down to a 12. I also quit smoking during this time.

• Aged 26: I stopped doing the 5:2 as we were in the process of buying our first house and I was changing job so everything else kind of went on the back burner, plus I kept telling myself that as I had stopped smoking I was being much healthier (I neglected to remind myself that I'd also stopped swimming or doing any kind of exercise.) Eating habits had become terrible due to constantly socialising with new workmates (lunches down the pub) and being too tired to bother cooking (frozen pizzas and takeaways a staple in the evenings.) At this point I am firmly back in a size 14 and if I'm 100% honest with myself, had to buy a pair of size 16 work trousers yesterday. 

So, although I am aware that my yo-yo journey is not as drastic as other people's, I am also aware that I have come to the realisation that I both want and need to make a change for the sake of my own health and happiness. Yes, having a job, home, loving relationship and quitting the cigarettes is all brilliant stuff - but it is tainted when I am crying to my boyfriend that I can't go out as my clothes are too tight and I feel uncomfortable, or when I look at pictures of my three beautiful sisters and think to myself that I am quite definitely the chubby, uglier one. Who wants to feel like that?

Not me. Not anymore.